Years ago, during an extremely painful, scary and dark period of my life i came across a saying. It went like this; "I used to walk into a room and wonder if anyone would like me, now i walk into a room wonder if i'll like anyone" Since then, it has evolved into i don't actually care either way ! During that time, i'd had everything stripped away, in many ways stolen from me. During my years of work with social services and people with all levels of trauma, both past and present, i'd never expected that i would soon be facing my own trauma. My early years were spent playing and performing music. Writing songs. As my journey evolved, i ran business and developed my ideas. Everything i did in those years involved a high level of people pleasing. Shaping everything i did to fit a prescribed box that i was told i had to fit into.
When i began my formal training as a therapist (which informally began when i was a child) I began a process of deconstruction that made me question everything. Every structure, every reflection, every echo of my sense of self. I'm sure if it weren't for that journey and the subsequent re construction, i'm quite sure i would have never have survived the ordeal i experienced in later life. During the years of roaming the wilderness having lost every structure of familiarity, every sense of who i was, everything a person recognises in themselves, i was able to find a corner in my psyche that i could hide in and heal. When i emerged i realised that what was most important, what was really powerful, was that i could be absolutely honest about who i was. I realised that pleasing people was utterly pointless, and worse, completely diluting. It was as if those wilderness years evaporated the watered down parts of me.
As a child, we grow up being molded into everyone's expectation of who they think we should be. The education system is a notorious destructor of free will and self actualisation. In fact in almost every facet of early and adult life we are continuously pushed into boxes. It's interesting that teenagers are seen or branded as rebellious until the pressure and need for income, food and shelter force even the hardest rebels to conform, and as the years roll by, the conformity becomes the norm and we forget who we were. Until a serious trauma forces a re evaluation. The loss of a loved one, divorce, bankruptcy, job loss.
Everything i do, every training session, every song, performance, everything we are about boils down to one simple idea. That perhaps who we become is not we were supposed to be. Perhaps if we were left to roam as children, perhaps if we had made free choice instead of circumstantial choice, perhaps if we grew up with perfect parents, in a perfect environment .... I know this is a utopian, unrealistic notion. But there is a way we can restart, reframe, re energise. When you emerge from the chrysalis you realise who you actually are, your core person is all you need to walk into any room.
Jimi Katz is managing director of "Arkesise" a multidisciplinary centre of therapeutic excellence
My place is here, now. What has gone before has informed my journey and fired my mission. My passion, is releasing my fellow journeymen to experience life with fresh eyes, a fresh beginning. Let's walk together for a time, lets open doors together, let's uncover our true selves.